I was widowed in April 2020 after my husband, Andy, suffered a long illness after a catastrophic brain injury in 2017. You can read my full story here
. The consultant told me in no uncertain terms in 2017 he would never recover and we would never get our happy ending. I lost him to covid in 2020 and at age 49 I knew I was too young to spend the rest of my life alone.
I actually met my late husband online. I knew it could work so signed up to Tinder, Bumble, Hinge etc. to take the tentative and terrifying steps back into dating. My oh my – how much had world of online dating changed?! It was full of dick pics, people matching who clearly hadn’t read your profile, then un-matching and ghosting or endless texting. It was the wild west out there! I had a lot of fun dates, some dull dates and some truly awful dates… I have the battle scars to prove it!
Around this time I joined lots of widow support groups and Facebook groups, who saved my sanity and made some lifelong friends. Inevitably at these meet ups conversations turned to sex and dating. I’m a natural entrepreneur so I spotted an opportunity, raised investment and in November 2022 launched chapter2dating.app
– a community and dating app looking for advice forums, friendship and dating. The response has been incredible, we’ve even got some gorgeous new couples together and created a very supportive, safe community.
One of the most hotly contested forum topic was ‘widow’s fire’. Widow’s fire is a known and recognised phenomenon by medical health professionals and counsellors. It is in effect, a term describing an intense desire for sex following the loss of a partner. Research from WidowFire’s sister app, Chapter 2 found that 3 in 5 (63%) widows and widowers experienced widow’s fire following the death of their partner. It is talked about almost constantly in widow Facebook groups.
I shared my bed with my husband for nearly 20 years, we had a fabulous sex life and literally overnight that ended leaving a huge void in my life. I missed the sex yes, but equally I missed the spooning, the intimate moments the fun, the stolen kisses…
Looking back I thought I was ready to find my chapter 2 but in hindsight I wasn’t. I had two short term relationships which caused more harm and hurt to us both than I’d imagined. I’m not proud of that, but in reality I just wasn’t and possibly still aren’t ready for a committed and relationship.
A widow and widower who isn’t ready for that next step could definitely cause more emotional pain. You aren’t in the right frame of mind to make serious commitments or decisions.
We all however crave, need and want a little fun, a flirt and a delightful distraction. Having sex again made me feel empowered, desired and wanted and I found physically and emotionally comforted.
Trying to find appropriate and understanding hook ups on mainstream sites is difficult and can be dangerous. We listened to your forum messages, emails and talk at face-to-face meet ups and have launched widowsfire.co.uk
to help you have some no strings attached fun with people who understand. We ask people there to confirm their widow status but we do not verify or police this so be vigilant, use our block and report functions, flirt but no explicit photos please. We are all consenting adults so please play nicely and we hope you enjoy WidowsFire!